You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
