i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He has the fingertips of a God
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