please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm too high and old for this...
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