Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
