ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
