If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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