You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
