Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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