I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
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