I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Randomize