I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
