Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
