Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
