The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
