My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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