Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Vodka?
Forever.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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