She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
