Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize