i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
A+ Viking dick
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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