Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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