don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
