I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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