broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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