Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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