$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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