im about as happy as oj after his trial
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
