sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
