I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
