How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
