u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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