omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize