Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
