First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
