Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
