so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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