To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
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I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
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You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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