Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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