he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left your underwear on the fireplace
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize