I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize