I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
