One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
