haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
