He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Randomize
