just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Watching her eat just hurts me
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
