Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
