i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
