dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Sober January is a disaster.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
