So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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