i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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