Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
