:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
BRING THE BAGELS
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
