Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
