I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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