He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
