Kiss
Puke
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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