you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
