can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I wish you could order shots online.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
