Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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