He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
