I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
