i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
